Productivity

I am on a crusade against procrastination! I decide Sunday that I will be productive. I will get myself organized and ready for move number two this year. To that end, I find myself in the garage, perusing through boxes of my own artifacts, deciding which need to get sorted through first.

On top of a tower of Rubbermaid tubs, unbeknownst to me, is a can of paint. Green, “celery sage” to be exact. Thank you Eddie Bauer. As I shift a box to determine its contents, the garage slips into time warp as the paint can tumbles, in slow motion, end over end, on an agonizing trajectory towards the cement slab of floor. I reach, struggle, but my fingers are just seconds too slow. The butt end of the can contacts first, and suddenly the garage rejoins real time, as an explosion of celery sage bursts open, the lid flying, spattering my luggage, dripping down my hair and permanently redecorating my favorite pair of running shorts. It sounds like a gunshot, the mess is unreal.

Here is where it gets really good however: Apparently I made some sort of outburst in the expletive arena, though I can’t precisely recall, because my roommate came running just in time to see the paint pooling on the garage floor beneath my feet, and the tie-dyed spectacle the garage had taken. I cannot stop laughing. My roommate is not amused.

The look on her face is sheer terror, and I find out moments later why:

The landlady arrives in less than half an hour to show the house to its new potential renters.